Alone in a Crowd
Tokyo is the 7th city I have lived in and Japan is the 6th country I have lived in. I have lived in a few cities over a million people - and visited many more - but nothing like the size of Tokyo. Just so you know, Tokyo is the largest urban area (not the largest city - that honor goes to Shanghai) in the world at around 37 million people. Outside of your neighborhood, daily route to work, or your regularly patronized waterholes, there is an extremely small chance you'll ever run into the same person twice. But at the same time, there are throngs of people EVERYWHERE you go. Sometimes it feels like it's difficult to get a respite from the crowds unless you're at home! But what I have found is that there is a palpable feeling of being alone in a crowd while living here.
Partly, I think this is cultural. In Japan, people often keep to themselves and striking up a conversation with strangers is simply not done like it is in, say, smalltown Midwest in the United States. From what I understand, Japanese people rarely meet people when they are out and about (at a concert or any other similar social event, or just random encounters). It seems like most friends are made here on the basis of context: school, work, or extracurricular activities. I don't think many Japanese people befriend others randomly. Even in South Korea, which also generally has a "shy" population, I think curiosity sometimes overcame shyness. So, we had several Korean friends that ran in our social groups. However, I think shyness trumps curiosity in Japan so that it's more difficult to make random Japanese friends.
The other part of me thinks a lot of this is specific to my circumstances in Japan. In the other countries I have taught in, I had a community of people that I could reliably count on to spend time with. Often this community was "handed" to me, whether with orientations or with mutual friends. In Japan, I don't really feel like I've had that. I think part of this is that the company I work for operates on semester contracts. Many people don't work at the same university for more than one semester. Secondly, the company essentially requires it's employees to return to their home countries in between terms (unless you rent your own apartment), so you are home for (at least) three months out of the year. This further prevents people from maintaining friendships with co-workers or with anyone else. Finally, geographical proximity is also an issue. I live an hour to an hour and a half from most of my acquaintances, thus grabbing a bite to eat or a drink together can be quite the trek.
I think the final part of this is that I haven't done as good of a job at reaching out to people in order to develop and nurture friendships. I wonder if, to a certain extent, I have not put in the effort in developing relationships with people because, in the back of my mind, I had predetermined any potential connections to be temporary. Obviously, this hasn't stopped me from maintaining friendships that I've developed when living in other countries, so I'm not sure exactly why it would have this time around. I've also found my work here to be more stressful, and thus I've needed more time to recharge by spending time alone. This also extends to my time at work because I have often had to isolate myself in the office in order to finish lesson plans, grade, or write materials. In my first semester, I worked in an office with 18 other teachers. I can't concentrate with other people talking, so I often had to leave the office to go work somewhere else. Thus, I wasn't around for a lot of the socializing that took place.
In any case, I think this is one of my big takeaways from living in Japan: be more deliberate in developing connections with people and developing a community because those are essential elements for anyone, but especially for people living this itinerant lifestyle.
Partly, I think this is cultural. In Japan, people often keep to themselves and striking up a conversation with strangers is simply not done like it is in, say, smalltown Midwest in the United States. From what I understand, Japanese people rarely meet people when they are out and about (at a concert or any other similar social event, or just random encounters). It seems like most friends are made here on the basis of context: school, work, or extracurricular activities. I don't think many Japanese people befriend others randomly. Even in South Korea, which also generally has a "shy" population, I think curiosity sometimes overcame shyness. So, we had several Korean friends that ran in our social groups. However, I think shyness trumps curiosity in Japan so that it's more difficult to make random Japanese friends.
The other part of me thinks a lot of this is specific to my circumstances in Japan. In the other countries I have taught in, I had a community of people that I could reliably count on to spend time with. Often this community was "handed" to me, whether with orientations or with mutual friends. In Japan, I don't really feel like I've had that. I think part of this is that the company I work for operates on semester contracts. Many people don't work at the same university for more than one semester. Secondly, the company essentially requires it's employees to return to their home countries in between terms (unless you rent your own apartment), so you are home for (at least) three months out of the year. This further prevents people from maintaining friendships with co-workers or with anyone else. Finally, geographical proximity is also an issue. I live an hour to an hour and a half from most of my acquaintances, thus grabbing a bite to eat or a drink together can be quite the trek.
I think the final part of this is that I haven't done as good of a job at reaching out to people in order to develop and nurture friendships. I wonder if, to a certain extent, I have not put in the effort in developing relationships with people because, in the back of my mind, I had predetermined any potential connections to be temporary. Obviously, this hasn't stopped me from maintaining friendships that I've developed when living in other countries, so I'm not sure exactly why it would have this time around. I've also found my work here to be more stressful, and thus I've needed more time to recharge by spending time alone. This also extends to my time at work because I have often had to isolate myself in the office in order to finish lesson plans, grade, or write materials. In my first semester, I worked in an office with 18 other teachers. I can't concentrate with other people talking, so I often had to leave the office to go work somewhere else. Thus, I wasn't around for a lot of the socializing that took place.
In any case, I think this is one of my big takeaways from living in Japan: be more deliberate in developing connections with people and developing a community because those are essential elements for anyone, but especially for people living this itinerant lifestyle.
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